Bravo, Joel!

I say, it’s bold of Joel to write this piece, pointing out how billionaires have managed to influence the politicians to finally represent their point of view in education. For too long, it’s been, “Oh, how can we help the rabble?” and “Oh, we aren’t spending enough on the bootless and unhorsed.” Now, finally, we’re seeing a return to traditional values, favoring the rich, and showing the little urchins how to best serve our needs.

Joel Klein knows that good old 19th century values are what America needs today. That’s why he’s willing to stand up against wasteful pensions and benefits. Do health benefits make better teachers? Does a pension make a better teacher? Of course not! Nonetheless, low salaries certainly save dollars that can go to tax cuts for important people like me, Muffy, Michael Bloomberg and Eli Broad.

We have made great progress in our quest. I thank you, my loyal readers, and pledge to bring a chain of Smellington charter schools that will embody all of Joel’s values. And Rupie’s job offer has certainly sustained those values! Bravo to Rupie too!

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Bravo, Mr. Governor

I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.

This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.

Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!

It’s morning in America again!

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For the Love of Smedley

A Facebook friend recently sent me this link, about how the wealthy have acquired more capital as of late. This would not be so shocking if it were not portrayed as a bad thing. I tire of going back to basic principles, but it’s well-known that persons of no account have no idea how to handle capital. They fritter it away on food, rent, and other such trifles when its true magic is investment. If they aren’t going to make it grow, why should they have it at all?

Don’t their very own tax dollars finance food stamps? Aren’t there soup kitchens and shelters? Why don’t they simply make use of those facilities, buy the Wall Street Journal, and figure out the best ways to enrich whatever pittance they may come across? That’s what this country is all about, by George.

Pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps is, of course, troublesome for the bootless and unhorsed. This notwithstanding, it’s their duty to do so. Let it be a challenge to them, say I.  This is capitalism, and it’s what my father sweated for when meeting his lawyers to determine how best to dispense our trust funds and portfolios. If all parents went to this trouble, there’d be less foul-smelling rabble, and the world would be a better place.

Must dash. Muffy seems to have locked herself into a closet with the poolboy, and I must dispatch a servant to open it with all due haste.

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An Alarming Trend

I say, when the unwashed hordes descend on the capital demanding this and that, it’s disturbing. For the love of Smedley, can’t those despicable Wisconsin residents stick to their cheese and leave the rest of us alone? Apparently they cannot. They have to have their pensions, and their medical benefits, and what they call their “right” to negotiate working conditions. Working conditions should rightfully be dictated by employers, and thank goodness this bold governor is standing up to them.

Nonetheless, should these persons of no account prevail, the results will prove highly unprofitable. In fact, such a move could provoke government to reverse the sensible tax breaks we’ve received on not only a national level, but a local level as well. We must stop this at any cost. Fortunately there are trends here in my beloved New York that could be a model for the rest of the country. Joel is doing a smashing job at Education Reform Now, with a commercial suggesting we get rid of overpaid teachers. Should this quest succeed, we could replace teachers every few years, save millions, and pass the savings onto the booted and horsed in the form of tax breaks.

This is a battle we must win, and I certainly hope the Wisconsin governor musters the intestinal fortitude to gas the rabble in and around the statehouse. We’ve been very successful in persuading the American public the best way for their advancement is worsening working conditions for those doing better than they are. In fact, no civilization I know of has managed to get such a message out before, and this is an opportunity we must not squander. As long as the peasants are out there fighting for tax cuts for the moneyed classes, we can look ever upward.

But this rabble and hoo-hah in Wisconsin must be stopped now.

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Bravo, Wisconsin!

I say, this is encouraging, a breath of fresh air if ever there’s been one.  Finally, a governor has taken action against the odious ruffians who always go on about wanting more money. Now that the tax burden has finally been lowered on those of us who know how to handle capital, the infernal government still needs a way to cover its expenses. It makes perfect sense to take it from the peasants, who in any case fritter it away on frivolities like food and rent.

This chap has eliminated this troublesome “collective bargaining” claptrap, and has also made sure these blasted unions cannot collect dues. Such funds will be given on a voluntary basis from the rabble that would otherwise be compelled to contribute, and this is smashing news. We won’t have those wretched unions to kick around anymore, and we won’t need to tolerate their blasted messages, “Oh, we need health care,” or, “Oh, we can’t make a living,” or “Oh, we need trained teachers.”

The fact is, we could easily train the bootless and unhorsed to work at Walmart or some other such odious location. They seem to flock to such places, so why should they not be employed there? And the sooner we rid ourselves of these troublesome unions, the sooner we’ll be able to place them there. Education should be offered on a strictly for-profit basis, and should be run by those in the business of business.

Mikey is quite right that those who disrespected Cathie are an affront to democracy. Soon we shall clear that up, and democracy will be whatever Mikey says it is. That’s as it should be. It’s folly to entrust the rabble with democracy. Soon we shall tell them precisely what democracy is, and they will like it, or be pummeled by the National Guard.

Smellington G. Worthington III

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Pish Posh

 

That’s all I have to say to the naysayers who carp endlessly about Mikey’s alleged shortcomings regarding the recent storm. I say, take a look at our street. The chauffeur had no issue whatsoever ungaraging the limo, and I’ve no doubt Mikey’s chauffeur had no problem either.

Those who complain have only themselves to blame. Had they the good sense to move into a good neighborhood, onto a decent street, they’d have no problems whatsoever. For the love of Smedley, is it Mikey’s fault if their chauffeurs are unable to manage? Sack them all, say I, and seek out replacements with intestinal fortitude! Yet another upside is, as beginners, these rabble will certainly accept lower compensation. Why waste one’s hard-inherited capital on exorbitant salaries when one could invest in a bank and see an upside?

Mikey is doing an excellent job, and has seen to it once again that those who count are taken care of. It’s not as though properties in good neighborhoods are unavailable. One simply has to have the wherewithal to purchase in the right place, and one will be well-taken care of. It’s as plain as the nose on Joel Klein’s face, which I shall miss dearly. Fortunately he’s always an email away. And for those of you who have criticized Joel as unresponsive, I find he immediately responds to my missives. You need only be polite, live in the right neighborhood, and give generously to the right causes. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of foresight and courtesy in your average rabble.

I will wholeheartedly support Mikey when he seeks his fourth term. Anyone who does not simply lacks the judgment it takes to benefit from the system, which can be easily circumvented. I’ve graciously provided several examples in this very piece, and if one chooses not to avail one’s self of them, one has only one’s self to blame.

And one more tip–if you failed to plan, and live on one of those unimportant side streets, have the chauffeurs band together and dig out the street. For goodness sake, it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do!

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Not Enough

For the love of Smedley, it’s time to dispense with these mamby-pamby school turnaround schemes. Fire half the staff? Replace principals? Pish posh.

When a school is closed, it needs to be demolished, with extreme prejudice if at all possible. The rubble should be cleared away and a suitable real-estate developer should be selected via no-bid contract to construct a new edifice. Then an appropriate charter school operator, like myself or my friend Courtney Ross, should get input on its design. Since it’s a no-bid contract, we need not bother with those troublesome union regs and may hire whom we wish. That’s the American Way.

I have faith that my friend Cathie will soon enable such changes. In fact, I’d suggest simply dynamiting all existing schools so as to make room for worthy charter chains like the Smellington Academy. Frankly, this is the only way to give the little urchins the training they need. Why should the Walton family, which has given and sacrificed so much to the education of the bootless and unhorsed, be further saddled with the necessity of training its workers, or “associates” as they jocularly label them?

These are banner times for billionaires, and we need move straight ahead. And thank goodness that Obama chap has extended the tax breaks. Let the party continue! What’s good for Bill Gates and me is what’s good for the country!

We’re making great progress. If only that noisy Senator Sanders would shut his festering gob. Wikileaks first, say I.

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