Here at Billionaires for Educational Reform, we will decide the best ways to train the great unwashed. We’ve had it up to here with paying taxes for an educational system that’s of no earthly use to us, and we’re investigating new ways to turn out a more suitable class of worker.

For one thing, we’re livid about job protection for teachers. Since teachers seem to make more money as they work more years, why not simply fire them before they reach high salaries? Then, we can replace them with new teachers and fire them after a few years.

This will not only keep salaries down, but will save us the necessity of paying for pensions. I mean, for goodness’ sake, why can’t these people live off their investments and rental properties? I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps with nothing but a trust fund, a string of properties, and my inheritance. Let them do the same.

Let’s get in there and start making the system work for us. If we must fund public schools, let’s make sure that they benefit us.

Smellington G. Worthington III



Filed under Training the great unwashed

9 responses to “Welcome

  1. What is the meaning of that comment? I fail to see any humor whatsoever in this.

  2. Mr. Worthington:
    Please allow a mere peon such as myself, a lowly public servant, to comment:

    I am humbled to read your comments. Please, by all means, take away my pension, and my rights- perhaps, just perhaps, I should pay YOU for the honor of teaching the children of the city of NY.

  3. Brood Bates


    There you go old boy. Finally, you are getting off your duff and doing something instead of running around the yacht club complaining about how that upstart Bloomfield messed up the plan to turn those schools in Manhattan into condos. Who ever thought he wouldn’t figure out a way to fix those NAEP tests like the graduation rates. It is probably the fault of that cheap IBM ARIS system. I told Bloomstein that for only 150 million more my friend Bunny would have given him a top-notch system that could fix any test to our advantage. Darn, and I had my eye on Washington Irving high school for my next condo project.

  4. 15 more years,

    Thank you for your respectful note. I certainly appreciate your willingness to give up your pay and pension, as my tax bill can always use adjustment.


    Always nice to hear from you old bean. See you at the club on Monday. We’ll get those condos yet. Billionaires for Education Reform has just begun.

  5. Perhaps you are correct and there is no humor in anything you’ve said. Starting Monday I will teach my students to work harder to be able to better serve you. Instead of collecting a paycheck, I will leave donations twice a month. I will also clean the rooms so the system can save money on custodians and I will have my students wear warm clothing so we can save money on heat.

  6. unworthy


    May I lick your boots?


  7. Unworthy,

    The whole boot-licking thing is blown way out of proportion. However, the willingness the lick the boots of one’s employer is a quality I’ve found shockingly lacking amongst the working class. You may rest assured that we at Billionaires for Educational Reform will address this problem in detail.

    Pissed Off Teacher:

    Your improvement in attitude is duly noted and we commend you for it.

  8. unworthy

    Dear Master Smellington G. Worthington III:

    Please don’t capitalize my name. I’m just plain…


    P.S. Is there any Merit Pay involved in Boot Licking?

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