A Modest Proposal

What on earth is with this Randi Weingarten character anyway? How dare she hold a vigil to protest Mikey’s polices? This is an unprecedented incursion on his right to do as what he pleases, whenever he pleases and he’s certainly earned the right to do that. After all, what’s the meaning of mayoral control if Mikey can’t do whatever he feels like?

Furthermore, he’s invested quite a bit into this city, and spent millions to become mayor. I ask you, how much has Randi Weingarten spent? Has she even got millions? And if she’s not astute enough to have acquired even a few million, why should she imagine anyone would listen to her?

Now as far as I’ve heard, this whole brouhaha is over Mikey’s unfettered right to fire employees. Now I know, there’s some union thing that makes it difficult, but Mikey’s trying to find away around it. So let me, Smellington G. Worthington III, propose a solution that will please all parties.

Mikey, you want to fire a few of the great unwashed. Randi Weingarten, you want to preserve your union, so let’s compromise. For every teacher Mikey fires, he will simply hire another teacher. Then there will be the same number of teachers, and you, Randi Weingarten will have just as many people in the union. That’s fair, isn’t it? Everyone wins. That’s the billionaire solution.

There’s a reason why billionaires ought to be in charge, and that’s why I’m thankful that Mikey is running the city. Where there are problems, we have solutions. So I thank Randi Weingarten in advance for bowing to our superior intellect. And if she doubts we have it, I’ll show her our passbooks and portfolios.

Smellington G. Worthington III



Filed under Training the great unwashed

3 responses to “A Modest Proposal

  1. Master Worthington- I fear that your old chum Joel Klein has pulled the wool over your proverbial eyes. I received a simply glorious e-mail from him just this morning. In it, he says, and I quote, “I am writing you to honor your extraordinary work on behalf of the children of New York City.” He doesn’t seem dissastified. I am so confused. As far as Randi, he goes on to say, “As we move forward together, I take great pride in knowing that that all of us – UFT President Randi Weingarten, the Mayor, and I – share a common appreciation of the importance of your work. ”

    This is such a confusing situation. I daresay, can you shed some light on it?

  2. Doubtless you are doing a great job, and that’s why you haven’t been fired. However, it’s important to fire teachers. Economy is important. If we can get rid of one expensive teacher and hire two cheap ones, it’s a win-win. It’s a plus for the union president, who gets two members rather than one.

    Joel has a very generous character, and that’s why we are needed. While he must always be extremely diplomatic, we can tell the truth without worrying about politics. Except for Chatsworth, of course, who’s bound to be the next mayor.

    Tomorrow we will have a report on one of the most important innovations of Joel’s brilliant chancellorship. I certainly hope you and all your acquaintances will read it. Have your servants read it too.

  3. Pingback: A Few Brilliant Thoughts « Billionaires for Educational Reform

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