What on earth is with this Randi Weingarten character anyway? How dare she hold a vigil to protest Mikey’s polices? This is an unprecedented incursion on his right to do as what he pleases, whenever he pleases and he’s certainly earned the right to do that. After all, what’s the meaning of mayoral control if Mikey can’t do whatever he feels like?
Furthermore, he’s invested quite a bit into this city, and spent millions to become mayor. I ask you, how much has Randi Weingarten spent? Has she even got millions? And if she’s not astute enough to have acquired even a few million, why should she imagine anyone would listen to her?
Now as far as I’ve heard, this whole brouhaha is over Mikey’s unfettered right to fire employees. Now I know, there’s some union thing that makes it difficult, but Mikey’s trying to find away around it. So let me, Smellington G. Worthington III, propose a solution that will please all parties.
Mikey, you want to fire a few of the great unwashed. Randi Weingarten, you want to preserve your union, so let’s compromise. For every teacher Mikey fires, he will simply hire another teacher. Then there will be the same number of teachers, and you, Randi Weingarten will have just as many people in the union. That’s fair, isn’t it? Everyone wins. That’s the billionaire solution.
There’s a reason why billionaires ought to be in charge, and that’s why I’m thankful that Mikey is running the city. Where there are problems, we have solutions. So I thank Randi Weingarten in advance for bowing to our superior intellect. And if she doubts we have it, I’ll show her our passbooks and portfolios.
Smellington G. Worthington III