What’s All This Hubbub?

This morning Muffy got on that infernal computer, and started reading those awful things those teachers write, weblogs I think they call them. Irritatingly, the first one she read me was this one, written by a president of some sort. This upstart referred to the ” anti-union bottom-feeding mega-retailer, Wal-Mart,” and then had the audacity to complain that it offered money to fund charter schools! Now how on earth can you complain about a company that gives away money for education? And who wants a bunch of union thugs crying about their money and lowering profits for investors?

Next, this association has the unmitigated audacity to comment, “No word on whether students and non-unionized teachers will have to wear blue vests and greet people at the door as they enter.” However, a truly disrespectful article was this one, which not only criticized my good friends the Waltons, but also took a snipe at Whitney Tilson.

Now Whitney, through his hedge funds, has helped to make a lot of rich people even richer. Where’s a more noble cause than that, for goodness sake? And if investing in Wal-Mart helped him do so, I say jolly good! As for the plebeians who whine over how Wal-Mart did this or that, all I can say is they’re opening schools for your vile spawn! How dare you question them?

When Chatty is Mayor, we’ll take steps to block these vile sites so New Yorkers can get information from reliable sources.

Like this one, of course.

Smellington G. Worthington III



Filed under Training the great unwashed

10 responses to “What’s All This Hubbub?

  1. Still looking for a suck-up or boot-licking position to affirm my rightful place in the 21st Century Global Economy.

    I want to serve.

    Anything at all where I could maybe wear a blue vest? Please?

  2. I say, that’s a smashing good idea. Smashing.

    I’m very happy to see the proletariat bellying up to the bar and admitting where they belong. Too much uppitiness, nowadays, that’s the problem.

    Feel free to buy yourself a blue vest and proudly wear it to work. Perhaps I’ll have all the servants go out and get them, sort of like Christmas presents for themselves. I could buy them presents myself, but honestly, what would they learn from that?

    I say, we may be onto something here.

  3. Well, I’m just plain embarrassed your Excellency, Sir Smellington. I see now that you are much too rich and astute to be taken in by my subtle effort to get you to actually buy me my first blue vest.

    How right you are to suggest I buy it myself! I confess I just didn’t want to withdraw the entire $25.16 I have in my savings account to buy the felt fabric to make my vest. I was saving up for some needed bridgework on my teeth (or lack thereof).

    Shucks, I’d have never saved enough anyway. So here’s my plan. I’m gonna march right down to my bank, take out that money, and make me a marvelous blue vest that I can wear with pride and
    a real sense of accomplishment. What would I have learned if you had simply handed over the vest to me on a silver platter?

    Then I’m gonna take my shopping cart and proudly park my blue-vested self outside public school entrances with a bold sign on my cart that says, PRIVATIZE SCHOOLS NOW.

    Thank you for the wonderful idea of the blue vests, which proudly symbolize workers’ rights to glorify our servitude to the 21st Century Global Economy.

    So that’s the new position I’ve created for myself and I’m hoping against hope to remain in your good graces. Are you proud of me, Sir?

  4. Smashing, just smashing to see some of you plebs get off your proverbial duffs and actually do something for the betterment of society. I’m really encouraged our message is starting to reach the people.

    Perhaps you could get the word out among your various low-class friends. Privatizing the schools could be a huge money-maker, though that Spitzer chap has thrown a bit of a wrench in the works by announcing that charter schools would have to pay union wages. How on earth are they supposed to turn a profit if they have to do that?

    Anyway, I’m pleased as punch that our message is getting to the common people (like you) and that they’re supporting our billionaire agenda. After all, many of you voted for George W., and as Muffy often says, “Don’t change horses mid-stream.”

    That must be what she meant by that, I suppose. I’ve been pondering that for the last two decades, and by Jove, that must be it after all.

  5. Lydia

    Ohmygosh. I think I’m seeing the future here.

  6. Yeah! Ain’t it grand? Lydia, get your blue vest on, fire up that shopping cart, and join the campaign to Privatize Schools NOW!

    yours truly,

  7. Lydia

    I wouldn’t be surprised, honestly.

  8. Damn glad to see the great unwashed realistically facing the future. Privatization has made people rich over and over again. Look at the folks who dumped their Enron stocks and the companies making money hand over fist in Iraq. It’s sure to trickle down to you common folk eventually.

  9. Umm, Sir? In addition to my important position advancing the Blue Vest Privatize Schools NOW Campaign, I’m wondering if I could create another position for myself?

    That would be nailing and exposing subversives. I’m just a wee bit uneasy about that Lydia girl. Should I launch an investigation?

    What do you think Sir?

    By the way, I learned today that Walmart is the biggest contributor to foundations pushing for privatization. That makes the blue vests all the more meaningful to me.

    dutifully yours,

  10. Lydia

    Hey, wait a minute…

    If you do launch an investigation, I want to read it. (;

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