Hire That Man

Well, Smelly, that GBN News chap is at it again, savaging our boy Mikey and his lawyer friend Klein. One can well imagine I was in a bit of a snit over that one, all right. But then I got to thinking. Chatty, old boy, I said to myself, we need that fellow to serve us instead! He’s said it himself, for a mere $150,000 a year, he’ll come over to our side. Why, he’s even auditioned for the part, did one fine article among all the drivel on that infernal Parent Blog.

Imagine, Smelly, what that boy could do for us. Think of what he could write about that Haimson woman, for instance. “Class Size Matters” indeed! Class size does matter, of course. The more of those public school urchins we can put in a class, the better, I say. Teach a hundred of them in a class and look at the money you save on teachers. Why do you think Mikey got Joel to close all those schools? Now that’s the sort of school reform only a billionaire can come up with! And I’ll bet that GBN bloke could even get the masses to think it’s for their own good.

Not that any of our children will have to endure classes like that, not in our private schools with 14 or less in a class. But our kids need a real education, after all, since they will be the ones inheriting our billions some day, and running the world. All those public school kids need to learn is to do our bidding and not to question; where will we be if they ever learn to think for themselves, anyhow?

Yes, Smelly, we need that GBN chap. I might even make him Press Secretary for my campaign. Fellow with that sort of talent, he could even get people to think I’m just like a commoner. As long as I don’t have to take the subway. Ugh, I don’t know how Mikey does it. Must have a shower in that SUV that picks him up at the station.

So think about it, Smelly. $150,000, I drop that much at lunch. Not much of an investment, but it could be just the ticket for our cause.

Chatsworth Runforth III


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