Reasons to Be Thankful

This is the time of year when one needs to reflect on one’s blessings. There are, of course, the things one takes for granted, like the trust fund, the stock portfolio, and the real-estate holdings, but at this time, one needs to look inward, and reflect upon the things one has acquired.

It’s not easy to get good help nowadays, yet all the servants in our household are fairly reliable, and easily replaced if necessary. None of them clamor for health insurance, time off or raises, as they all remember what led to poor Raul’s deportation. Muffy was upset about that, but ever since she hired the new lawn boy, she’s seemed much better. Doubtless she’s learned that one servant is as good as another, and there’s a blessing right there.

Certainly we can be grateful for the private schools that keep our children far away from the rabble, and for Mikey, who arranged to devote the athletic fields on Randall’s Island to people of class. The urchins can and do get plenty of exercise on the street, and may as well get used to it. Certainly when Chatty becomes mayor, we’ll establish a voucher system, and hopefully it won’t provide near enough of a contribution to allow the rabble to attend anything but the cheapest of private schools, if that much.

Finally, I’m grateful to live in a country where the lower classes are finally being made to work more for less money. As the great Ronald Reagan said, the higher classes should be monied, and the lower classes need to wait for it to trickle down to them. So, in summary, they need to have faith, and we need to have capital. It’s as simple as that.

A happy holiday to all, and you don’t have to let the servants bully you into giving them days off. Remember, you can dismiss them whenever you like. Be thankful for that.

Smellington G. Worthington III



Filed under Holiday Cheer

5 responses to “Reasons to Be Thankful

  1. 15 more years

    Since clearly, teachers are as dispensable and easily replaced as your servants, I suspect I best update my resume in case the unthinkable happens.

    Dare I suggest that you watch out for Muffy and that lawn boy?

  2. Dear Rabble,

    I agree that teachers are dispensable and easily replaced. Good point.

    What is the meaning of this watching out for Muffy and the lawn boy? Do you take me for some sort of peeping Smellington? I must object most strenuously.

  3. Lydia

    We’re so lucky to have folks like Smellington to tell us what is right and wrong. We should all be grateful. Without instructions, how would we know how to live?

  4. Broad Bates

    Smelly, old man. Is that a lawn boy or a lawn jockey? Must have one of those on every lawn, you know. There should be one in front of each school. One of Mikey’s big failures has been his ignoring this important point. I propose we make the placement of lawn jockey’s part of the merit pay schools that find creative ways to get high test scores receive.

  5. Expert

    Anyone in the field can tell you that a Lawn Boy is simply useless, as those in the know prefer Toro.

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