I say! The most frightful thing has happened. It’s discrimination, I tell you. Old Bloomy (Mayor Bloomberg to those of you who pay taxes) is being discriminated against because he’s rich! Absolutely! You see, first, the Republicans of all people refused to allow Bloomy to run on their beastly ticket. And then the Democrats decided they didn’t want him either! Now, even the Independence Party is shunning the man.
I remember a few years back when one of the horse groomers was being teased by the scullery maids because of his rather pronounced nose. It was dreadful! The teased him day and night, poor chap. It made my blood boil! Finally I couldn’t take it anymore so I had the dogs set on him and that was the end of it. I can’t stand watching people suffer!
Now it’s happening to Old Bloomy. Of course, he is new money, and I have no idea why he wants a job in the first place, but I must stick up for the poor old buster. So we’ve decided to take action, by Jove! Muffy, Smelly and I are getting together to form the Billionaire’s Party. We won’t put up with any discrimination in this party, I can tell you that! In the BP, if you have a billion dollars, you’re treated just the same as everyone else.
Old Buffy and Billy-O (Warren and Gates for the unwashed) will be charter members of the BP. You see, they care about education of the masses and what-not, just like Old Bloomy. They believe that every child has the right to be taught by an underpaid, inexperienced teacher, and I couldn’t agree more. We must make sure the masses can read and write, otherwise, who will sign for our packages?
So here’s to the Billionaire’s Party! Let’s end this senseless discrimination against the filthy rich, and at the same time make sure every public school child has the 8th grade education he or she deserves! It’s the least we can do!
Augustus “Gussie” Smith-Smythe