Pocket Change

I say, what’s all the who-ha about the 18 million Michael Bloomberg has spent on buying his third term as mayor? I say, if he wants to rummage through his Queen Anne sofa for enough pocket change to run for mayor, who are we to complain?

Frankly, I think the great unwashed should be bursting with gratitude towards Mikey. Lord knows that neither Smelly nor I intend to work, so who would be mayor if he decided not to take his rightful third term? Something ghastly might happen, such as a mere millionaire getting the nod. Or, Trump forbid, a commoner. Think of what would happen then! Instead of a sales tax, we might see a progressive tax that socks fellows like me. I might have to cut the staff at the mansion down to 8 servants, thus increasing the unemployment rate!

No, what we need is an independent mayor, by which I mean independently wealthy. Clearly the way to go, old chaps. Bloomy isn’t beholden to all those awful special interest groups that want to help feed people who choose to live on the streets, or who want children to get an actual education rather than train them for the long hours we’ll need them to work if we’re ever to get the yacht running properly.

So, my fellow billionaires, while I know it hurts you to contribute to a cause that won’t put a plaque on a building named after you, I nevertheless urge you to search for that pocket change and help Mikey win his third term. It’s time for selfless sacrifice to help our fellow billionaires.



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3 responses to “Pocket Change

  1. KIPP teacher

    Again I don’t like that you call people the great unwashed. Just because people are poor doesn’t mean they don’t wash. I think 18 million dollars is a lot of money but if he wants to spend that much he has the right to do it.

  2. augustsmythe

    Again, I think you misunderstand. Calling the poor ‘the great unwashed’ is rather a term of endearment, don’t you know. It doesn’t mean I think they don’t bathe. For example, I call my old pal Smellington “Smelly’, but that doesn’t mean he smells, although he certainly niffs a bit after a polo match.

  3. Fatsworth G. Higfratter III

    Why do you fritter away your time fraternizing with the help?

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