Pocket Change

I say, what’s all the who-ha about the 18 million Michael Bloomberg has spent on buying his third term as mayor? I say, if he wants to rummage through his Queen Anne sofa for enough pocket change to run for mayor, who are we to complain?

Frankly, I think the great unwashed should be bursting with gratitude towards Mikey. Lord knows that neither Smelly nor I intend to work, so who would be mayor if he decided not to take his rightful third term? Something ghastly might happen, such as a mere millionaire getting the nod. Or, Trump forbid, a commoner. Think of what would happen then! Instead of a sales tax, we might see a progressive tax that socks fellows like me. I might have to cut the staff at the mansion down to 8 servants, thus increasing the unemployment rate!

No, what we need is an independent mayor, by which I mean independently wealthy. Clearly the way to go, old chaps. Bloomy isn’t beholden to all those awful special interest groups that want to help feed people who choose to live on the streets, or who want children to get an actual education rather than train them for the long hours we’ll need them to work if we’re ever to get the yacht running properly.

So, my fellow billionaires, while I know it hurts you to contribute to a cause that won’t put a plaque on a building named after you, I nevertheless urge you to search for that pocket change and help Mikey win his third term. It’s time for selfless sacrifice to help our fellow billionaires.

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