That’s how things are going, my friends. Cathie Black is chancellor, and with all due respect, she will do even a better job than Joel did. All this piffle about not having experience has thankfully come to naught. The noisy protesters can stand outside of Tweed from now until Doomsday for all I care. Mikey chose Cath, and she will be fabulous. Muffy and I were at a party the other night and thanked her for taking this job.
First of all, Cathie has extensive experience in discharging unprofitable employees. Her first task will be to look at all the deadwood and remove it. The best way, in our view, is to look at salary. Get rid of anyone making above minimum, and then get the others to agree to a pay freeze. Right now Barack Obama is asking federal employees to take one and it would be downright unpatriotic for those overpaid pedagogues to refuse.
Then we need to get rid of those Absent Teacher Reserve characters. If they haven’t found jobs yet they need to collect aluminum cans with the rest of the riffraff. Then more charter schools, Smellington Academies in each borough, and we’ll get rid of that nasty union once and for all. Bill Gates says that will happen very soon, and that merit pay will help, as few or no teachers will ever get it. Honestly, teachers should work for tips. Pay them minimum wage until we can abolish it, and then leave a tip jar on their desks during parent teacher conferences. Then people could pay what they like and PLUs could pay nothing. It’s not really on to force us to educate the urchins. Honestly, if you can’t afford a private school you’re not going to be educated anyway. Lesson 1 is have enough to pay your way.
Take heart, all. Cathie Black is very much with the program and will help get the billions of dollars funneled to schools in the correct pockets. It’s a banner day for us. Must dash, as Muffy and the poolboy are making alarming noises in the next room.