I say, it’s bold of Joel to write this piece, pointing out how billionaires have managed to influence the politicians to finally represent their point of view in education. For too long, it’s been, “Oh, how can we help the rabble?” and “Oh, we aren’t spending enough on the bootless and unhorsed.” Now, finally, we’re seeing a return to traditional values, favoring the rich, and showing the little urchins how to best serve our needs.
Joel Klein knows that good old 19th century values are what America needs today. That’s why he’s willing to stand up against wasteful pensions and benefits. Do health benefits make better teachers? Does a pension make a better teacher? Of course not! Nonetheless, low salaries certainly save dollars that can go to tax cuts for important people like me, Muffy, Michael Bloomberg and Eli Broad.
We have made great progress in our quest. I thank you, my loyal readers, and pledge to bring a chain of Smellington charter schools that will embody all of Joel’s values. And Rupie’s job offer has certainly sustained those values! Bravo to Rupie too!
Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, ever-decreasing profit margins, Holy crumpet!, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized
I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.
This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.
Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!
It’s morning in America again!
I say, this is encouraging, a breath of fresh air if ever there’s been one. Finally, a governor has taken action against the odious ruffians who always go on about wanting more money. Now that the tax burden has finally been lowered on those of us who know how to handle capital, the infernal government still needs a way to cover its expenses. It makes perfect sense to take it from the peasants, who in any case fritter it away on frivolities like food and rent.
This chap has eliminated this troublesome “collective bargaining” claptrap, and has also made sure these blasted unions cannot collect dues. Such funds will be given on a voluntary basis from the rabble that would otherwise be compelled to contribute, and this is smashing news. We won’t have those wretched unions to kick around anymore, and we won’t need to tolerate their blasted messages, “Oh, we need health care,” or, “Oh, we can’t make a living,” or “Oh, we need trained teachers.”
The fact is, we could easily train the bootless and unhorsed to work at Walmart or some other such odious location. They seem to flock to such places, so why should they not be employed there? And the sooner we rid ourselves of these troublesome unions, the sooner we’ll be able to place them there. Education should be offered on a strictly for-profit basis, and should be run by those in the business of business.
Mikey is quite right that those who disrespected Cathie are an affront to democracy. Soon we shall clear that up, and democracy will be whatever Mikey says it is. That’s as it should be. It’s folly to entrust the rabble with democracy. Soon we shall tell them precisely what democracy is, and they will like it, or be pummeled by the National Guard.
Smellington G. Worthington III
On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win. Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican. No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state. We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.
And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be. For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.
With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space. What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?
Anyway, be of good cheer. The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all. Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies! They’re the wave of the future!
Smellington G. Worthington III
Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holiday Cheer, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized
It’s a dashing good piece of cinema, if I don’t say so myself. Bully for Davis Guggenheim for standing up to the naysayers and sticking up for the Billionaire Point of View. It’s good to see folks like that Rhee woman saying kids are getting a crappy education in those schools she runs. Doubtless she’d be overjoyed to see them replaced by a chain of Smellington Academies. Drat the luck that got her mentor out of office, but money and time, as always, will win the day.
I’m delighted with the folks at MSNBC, who usually spout liberal claptrap, for further publicizing the film. Muffy was so moved by it that she and the poolboy had to spend an entire 45 minutes in the restroom so she could compose herself. She missed the part where that awful Weingarten woman came on the screen. Fortunately sinister music came on and the entire audience booed. It’s about time we started firing more teachers. Certainly we could hire them more cheaply and replace them more easily if our hands weren’t tied by those blasted contracts.
Remember, it’s children first. And we’ll get to the children. First we have to show those darn teachers who’s boss, and I think this film will help us enormously in our efforts.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, it’s refreshing to finally have a President who openly admits the needs of the rich outweigh those of the poor. This Obama fellow, it appears, threatened to veto any bill that would take money away from Race to the Top. As readers are no doubt aware, Race to the Top encourages innovations from chaps like Bill Gates, yours truly, and those lovable Wal-Mart folks. We have priorities and we know what’s important.
When we get to close a public school and drain it of unionized employees, it’s good for business. As any fool knows, what’s good for business is good for America. Otherwise, why would the government see fit to bail us out whenever we find ourselves in a bit of a tizzy? It’s brilliant of the Obama fellow to take the funds from food stamps. What on earth do people produce by using food stamps? It is, frankly, one of the most unproductive uses of money I can imagine. What does it produce?
To take it a step further, what would happen if one of the great unwashed consumed something poisonous? Would the government step in to help? Hopefully not, as that would cause even more drain on society, and possibly lead to a tax increase for PLUs. On the other hand, if I were to make a spectacularly unfavorable investment, you can be sure that this government would fly to my rescue and cover it, as they did last year.
It’s fairly clear that investing in rich people involves no risk whatsoever, while investing in the bootless and unhorsed is a dicey prospect indeed.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, it’s delightful to see Bill Gates addressing one of those awful teacher unions. They’ve finally seen the light and decided to do as they’re told. Personally, I couldn’t be more delighted. It’s about time we placed regulations to get rid of that awful tenure thing. Clearly an employer should be able to fire whomever he wants, if not for the simple fact that it’s his money, but as a cost-cutting measure.
If teachers want raises for simply working longer than other teachers, fine, say I. As soon as they are up for a rise, we’ll discharge them, and seek eager urchins to take their places. After all, what do the rabble need to know when all is said and done? How to serve quietly and with a modicum of dignity. As that Jay Matthews chap says, they should work hard and be nice.
I’ve asked Muffy to provide and update, but sadly she and the poolboy joined a book club months ago, and have been studying most every night. I do hope they finish that blasted book soon. I’ve offered to read it myself, but they claim it’s an educational voyage of some sort, blast it all.
I shall try to provide regular updates. I predict a smashing summer for billionaires everywhere, and if you’re weary of paying the Dalton school, we shall be providing special programs for children of PLUs at the Smellington Academy. There is a lottery, of course, but if you are a PLU you’re certain to win it and save all that inconvenient tuition money. After all, why should you dip into your petty cash when we can just as easily bill the taxpayer?
Will be at the Hampton address beginning Wednesday if you wish to drop by. Only hope I can persuade Muffy to miss a meeting or two at that blasted book club.