Category Archives: Holy crumpet!

Bravo, Joel!

I say, it’s bold of Joel to write this piece, pointing out how billionaires have managed to influence the politicians to finally represent their point of view in education. For too long, it’s been, “Oh, how can we help the rabble?” and “Oh, we aren’t spending enough on the bootless and unhorsed.” Now, finally, we’re seeing a return to traditional values, favoring the rich, and showing the little urchins how to best serve our needs.

Joel Klein knows that good old 19th century values are what America needs today. That’s why he’s willing to stand up against wasteful pensions and benefits. Do health benefits make better teachers? Does a pension make a better teacher? Of course not! Nonetheless, low salaries certainly save dollars that can go to tax cuts for important people like me, Muffy, Michael Bloomberg and Eli Broad.

We have made great progress in our quest. I thank you, my loyal readers, and pledge to bring a chain of Smellington charter schools that will embody all of Joel’s values. And Rupie’s job offer has certainly sustained those values! Bravo to Rupie too!

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, ever-decreasing profit margins, Holy crumpet!, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized

Bravo, Mr. Governor

I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.

This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.

Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!

It’s morning in America again!

11 Comments

Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holy crumpet!, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized

For the Love of Smedley

A Facebook friend recently sent me this link, about how the wealthy have acquired more capital as of late. This would not be so shocking if it were not portrayed as a bad thing. I tire of going back to basic principles, but it’s well-known that persons of no account have no idea how to handle capital. They fritter it away on food, rent, and other such trifles when its true magic is investment. If they aren’t going to make it grow, why should they have it at all?

Don’t their very own tax dollars finance food stamps? Aren’t there soup kitchens and shelters? Why don’t they simply make use of those facilities, buy the Wall Street Journal, and figure out the best ways to enrich whatever pittance they may come across? That’s what this country is all about, by George.

Pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps is, of course, troublesome for the bootless and unhorsed. This notwithstanding, it’s their duty to do so. Let it be a challenge to them, say I.  This is capitalism, and it’s what my father sweated for when meeting his lawyers to determine how best to dispense our trust funds and portfolios. If all parents went to this trouble, there’d be less foul-smelling rabble, and the world would be a better place.

Must dash. Muffy seems to have locked herself into a closet with the poolboy, and I must dispatch a servant to open it with all due haste.

7 Comments

Filed under Holy crumpet!, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized

An Alarming Trend

I say, when the unwashed hordes descend on the capital demanding this and that, it’s disturbing. For the love of Smedley, can’t those despicable Wisconsin residents stick to their cheese and leave the rest of us alone? Apparently they cannot. They have to have their pensions, and their medical benefits, and what they call their “right” to negotiate working conditions. Working conditions should rightfully be dictated by employers, and thank goodness this bold governor is standing up to them.

Nonetheless, should these persons of no account prevail, the results will prove highly unprofitable. In fact, such a move could provoke government to reverse the sensible tax breaks we’ve received on not only a national level, but a local level as well. We must stop this at any cost. Fortunately there are trends here in my beloved New York that could be a model for the rest of the country. Joel is doing a smashing job at Education Reform Now, with a commercial suggesting we get rid of overpaid teachers. Should this quest succeed, we could replace teachers every few years, save millions, and pass the savings onto the booted and horsed in the form of tax breaks.

This is a battle we must win, and I certainly hope the Wisconsin governor musters the intestinal fortitude to gas the rabble in and around the statehouse. We’ve been very successful in persuading the American public the best way for their advancement is worsening working conditions for those doing better than they are. In fact, no civilization I know of has managed to get such a message out before, and this is an opportunity we must not squander. As long as the peasants are out there fighting for tax cuts for the moneyed classes, we can look ever upward.

But this rabble and hoo-hah in Wisconsin must be stopped now.

7 Comments

Filed under Holy crumpet!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Training the great unwashed