What’s in a Name?

I must say that Smelly and I are absolutely enthralled with the Obama administration, and his splendiferous education secretary Arne Duncan. Though I must say I had my doubts when Obama was first elected – I mean look at his wife! – and then when his cabinet secretary was first named I really wasn’t sure.

I mean the fellow is rather gawky and from Chicago no less. And his name –Duncan Doughnuts was all I could think of. But he has quickly proved himself to be one of us, with brilliant ideas like forcing more charter schools on the system, by bribing states with taxpayer money. Though Smelly says its supposed to be called stimulus funds, that seems a bit racy to me.

After all, if we don’t force states to accept more charter schools, how are our children and our friends’ children going to spend their time between college and Wall Street?

I mean, look at Smelly’s hedge fund buddies, Julian Robertson and Michael Steinhardt. Both their children have started their own charter schools – in Brooklyn, no less. . Our nephew Porter is starting his own charter school this fall, after only one year with TFA, and our daughter Buffy plans to start her own charter as soon as she graduates from Penn.

She wants to start one in Harlem, to cut down on her commuting time from the Upper East Side, or perhaps downtown, if she chooses to slum it in the Village.

Luckily, Joel has promised us that wherever Buffy decides, she will be provided with quality real estate in an existing public school so that she doesn’t have to dip into her trust fund to rent space. He’s promised to provide free food, transportation, and anything else she needs for her school, and help recruit students as well, so that there will be plenty left over to feed her Manolo Blahnik habit.

But I’m a little worried that this woman, Eva Muskowitz (is that her name?) will have taken all the good spaces by that time. I must speak to Joel about that soon.

The other problem is that all the good school names are being used up! Harlem Success Academy, Harlem Children’s Zone, Harlem Democracy Prep, Harlem Village Academy, Harlem Day; what names will be left for Buffy’s school? It’s really a puzzle. Harlem Worthington Academy?

Muffy Worthington

That Is So Last Season

Smelly just pointed me to this article on the Gotham Schools page.  Honestly, I can’t believe that people are calling themselves Republicans anymore.  It’s well-known the current practice is to refer to one’s self as a “Democrat” when supporting KIPP.  Whenever anyone asks Smelly or I about our political associations, we always say, “We’re Democrats.”

Now of course we don’t vote for Democrats, except for Mikey, and in his defense, last time he ran on the Republican line.  I believe he’s going to do so again this time.  So I urge you, in the meaning of good taste, to call yourself a Democrat as well.  People will take you more seriously.

Unfortunately I must dash, as Raul is getting impatient.  It takes a lot of work to cultivate a pool boy who will do the job well, I’m afraid.

Muffy Worthington

Muffy Tackles Class Size

While Smellington and I were in the Jacuzzi the other day we were discussing the vexing issue of class size.

We’re both rather tired of seeing Mike and Joel beaten up in the media about their refusal to lower the large class sizes in the public schools. Why, I asked Smelly, if parents care so much about smaller classes, don’t they simply send their children to private school, as we do? After all, Mike sent his two lovely daughters to Spence, and Joel’s stepdaughter attended Ms. Porter’s in Connecticut. I’ve heard that at both schools classes are no larger than 14 students or so.

Smellington explained to me that not everyone can afford the $30,000 a year in tuition that these schools cost, but that if public schools were just as good as private schools, there would be less incentive for people to earn enough to afford the tuition and this would weaken one of the prime engines of capitalism. So in order to make sure that our economy keeps purring along, there must be two grades of schools, one with large classes and the other with small classes but unaffordable for the masses, so that they’ll continue to strive upwards.

Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?

Muffy Hindenburg

Muffy’s Diary

Smelly and I bumped into Mike and Joel at the Century Club; we told them what a fabulous job they’re doing with the public schools. Not that we actually know anyone who sends their kids to one – but we simply love those ads on TV showing all the improvements they’ve made!

We also love what they’re doing with trying to get rid of incompetent teachers – why anyone should want to stick around as a teacher beyond one or two years anyway is beyond me.

In fact, wanting to stay as a teacher probably disqualifies one automatically, since anyone with brains or talent would naturally want to move on in a couple of years to law school or Wall St. In fact, our nephew, Spence, is graduating from Yale this spring and planning to go into TFA and teach in the Bronx; luckily he got a slot at Morgan Chase reserved for when he’s had enough giving back to society and is ready to move on.

Muffy Hindenburg