For the love of Smedley, it’s time to dispense with these mamby-pamby school turnaround schemes. Fire half the staff? Replace principals? Pish posh.
When a school is closed, it needs to be demolished, with extreme prejudice if at all possible. The rubble should be cleared away and a suitable real-estate developer should be selected via no-bid contract to construct a new edifice. Then an appropriate charter school operator, like myself or my friend Courtney Ross, should get input on its design. Since it’s a no-bid contract, we need not bother with those troublesome union regs and may hire whom we wish. That’s the American Way.
I have faith that my friend Cathie will soon enable such changes. In fact, I’d suggest simply dynamiting all existing schools so as to make room for worthy charter chains like the Smellington Academy. Frankly, this is the only way to give the little urchins the training they need. Why should the Walton family, which has given and sacrificed so much to the education of the bootless and unhorsed, be further saddled with the necessity of training its workers, or “associates” as they jocularly label them?
These are banner times for billionaires, and we need move straight ahead. And thank goodness that Obama chap has extended the tax breaks. Let the party continue! What’s good for Bill Gates and me is what’s good for the country!
We’re making great progress. If only that noisy Senator Sanders would shut his festering gob. Wikileaks first, say I.
On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win. Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican. No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state. We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.
And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be. For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.
With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space. What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?
Anyway, be of good cheer. The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all. Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies! They’re the wave of the future!
Smellington G. Worthington III
Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holiday Cheer, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized
It’s a dashing good piece of cinema, if I don’t say so myself. Bully for Davis Guggenheim for standing up to the naysayers and sticking up for the Billionaire Point of View. It’s good to see folks like that Rhee woman saying kids are getting a crappy education in those schools she runs. Doubtless she’d be overjoyed to see them replaced by a chain of Smellington Academies. Drat the luck that got her mentor out of office, but money and time, as always, will win the day.
I’m delighted with the folks at MSNBC, who usually spout liberal claptrap, for further publicizing the film. Muffy was so moved by it that she and the poolboy had to spend an entire 45 minutes in the restroom so she could compose herself. She missed the part where that awful Weingarten woman came on the screen. Fortunately sinister music came on and the entire audience booed. It’s about time we started firing more teachers. Certainly we could hire them more cheaply and replace them more easily if our hands weren’t tied by those blasted contracts.
Remember, it’s children first. And we’ll get to the children. First we have to show those darn teachers who’s boss, and I think this film will help us enormously in our efforts.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, it’s delightful to see Bill Gates addressing one of those awful teacher unions. They’ve finally seen the light and decided to do as they’re told. Personally, I couldn’t be more delighted. It’s about time we placed regulations to get rid of that awful tenure thing. Clearly an employer should be able to fire whomever he wants, if not for the simple fact that it’s his money, but as a cost-cutting measure.
If teachers want raises for simply working longer than other teachers, fine, say I. As soon as they are up for a rise, we’ll discharge them, and seek eager urchins to take their places. After all, what do the rabble need to know when all is said and done? How to serve quietly and with a modicum of dignity. As that Jay Matthews chap says, they should work hard and be nice.
I’ve asked Muffy to provide and update, but sadly she and the poolboy joined a book club months ago, and have been studying most every night. I do hope they finish that blasted book soon. I’ve offered to read it myself, but they claim it’s an educational voyage of some sort, blast it all.
I shall try to provide regular updates. I predict a smashing summer for billionaires everywhere, and if you’re weary of paying the Dalton school, we shall be providing special programs for children of PLUs at the Smellington Academy. There is a lottery, of course, but if you are a PLU you’re certain to win it and save all that inconvenient tuition money. After all, why should you dip into your petty cash when we can just as easily bill the taxpayer?
Will be at the Hampton address beginning Wednesday if you wish to drop by. Only hope I can persuade Muffy to miss a meeting or two at that blasted book club.
I say, this Okey chap is not what I’d call an OK chap. His priorities are most decidedly twisted. How on earth could he be taking money away from Race to the Top simply to save teachers? Why do we want teachers when we can have reform, like school closings and merit pay, that truly enable noble ventures like the Smellington Academy to take their places? Our President is most definitely a right-thinking fellow, which is why he’s promised to veto these absurd measures.
With fewer unionized teachers there’ll be more opportunity to fulfill the golden vision of at-will employment for all. If I’m paying the salary, I am entitled to fire the employee for whatever I wish, and why not teachers too? What if they aren’t teaching the Smellington way? Do I want my teachers blathering on about urchin’s rights, or training them to work long hours for low pay, thus enriching people who actually know how to invest money, rather than frittering it away on rent and groceries?
I’m relieved that New York has finally come along and decided to accept the wise reforms that Arne is promoting. Eventually we will rid ourselves of those awful unions altogether and pay workers what we decide. Only then will we be able to withdraw that awful minimum wage, bring back company stores, and have workers go to their graves owing employers money. Surely by then we’ll be able to pass debts to next of kin, or at the very least have the government guarantee it.
I see a bright future for our organization, and for our visionary philosophy.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, it’s high time those liberal snobs in the New York Times got off their high horse and gave us some credit for all the good we do. Finally there’s a column that acknowledges our role in starting charter schools. And it’s not like the rest of the country, where they actually create or rent buildings for them. In this state, we get right in there, eject the undesirable vermin that infest the public schools, and plop our programs right there.
Where else but Mikey’s New York would such innovation take place? We’re here, we’re wealthy, get used to it. The hip new thing is education, of course, and since there are billions in it, why on earth shouldn’t we profit from it? I’m weary of those socialist ne’er do wells who harp on the various bailouts. If they bailed out the banks, there’s no reason they can’t damn well bail out the charter magnates as well.
We’re doing our bit to rid society of those awful unions and give teachers wages we think they deserve. Wages we can afford, and still turn a healthy profit. And we’ll show these little urchins that their hard work can result in even more profit for us. The scourge of organized labor is coming to a screeching halt, and I’m thankful the liberal New York Times is spreading the word for us. It’s like Christmas is weeks early and we don’t even have to bear the expense of the lumps of coal we’d budgeted for the dirty little scamps.
I wish you all a lucrative holiday season and a profitable New Year. Must dash. Muffy and the poolboy are raising a ruckus in the rumpus room.
Smellington G. Worthington III
Hi, ho lovies! (Kiss, kiss). Just got back from a little nip-tuck vacation and I’ve heard the most shocking news! It seems that some of the teachers at my favorite, reform, I mean “charter” school have been attempting to – I can barely say the word – unionize!
What on earth can they be thinking? Don’t they realize what a poor example that would be for the children in their care?
When the Waltons first told us about their brilliant idea to create a Walmart preparatory school, we were absolutely delighted. Why, the idea is sheer brilliance! What a wonderful way to teach the children of the bootless and unhorsed to be cooperative and compliant. Uniforms, chanting, nodding on cue…why the potentials are endless.
Channel all of that so called “righteous indignation” into something productive and create an endless stream of future low-wage workers at the same time. Finally give them something to be proud of.
Needless to say, our checkbooks were immediately out to support such a worthy cause. And now, some uppity teachers want to undermine all that. Just imagine what the children will learn if they see their teachers organizing. It’s only a matter of time before they’ll be asking for ridiculous frivolities like lunch and recess and… Can someone please get me a Vicodin?
Anyhoo, I blame all of this union nonsense on that Obacka fellow. I knew that when he was elected the riff raff would start to get funny ideas in their heads about ‘quality of life’ and all of that other nonsense. That’s what happens when you don’t use the Supreme Court to elect the president.
The real question, though, is how on earth are these stories reaching the newspapers? Someone needs to get that Jay Mathews on the phone and tell him to write another opinion piece. Personally, I think he’s slacking. Someone needs to remind him who is paying his salary. Toodles!
Missy Hawthorne VonBlueblood