That’s all I have to say to the naysayers who carp endlessly about Mikey’s alleged shortcomings regarding the recent storm. I say, take a look at our street. The chauffeur had no issue whatsoever ungaraging the limo, and I’ve no doubt Mikey’s chauffeur had no problem either.
Those who complain have only themselves to blame. Had they the good sense to move into a good neighborhood, onto a decent street, they’d have no problems whatsoever. For the love of Smedley, is it Mikey’s fault if their chauffeurs are unable to manage? Sack them all, say I, and seek out replacements with intestinal fortitude! Yet another upside is, as beginners, these rabble will certainly accept lower compensation. Why waste one’s hard-inherited capital on exorbitant salaries when one could invest in a bank and see an upside?
Mikey is doing an excellent job, and has seen to it once again that those who count are taken care of. It’s not as though properties in good neighborhoods are unavailable. One simply has to have the wherewithal to purchase in the right place, and one will be well-taken care of. It’s as plain as the nose on Joel Klein’s face, which I shall miss dearly. Fortunately he’s always an email away. And for those of you who have criticized Joel as unresponsive, I find he immediately responds to my missives. You need only be polite, live in the right neighborhood, and give generously to the right causes. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of foresight and courtesy in your average rabble.
I will wholeheartedly support Mikey when he seeks his fourth term. Anyone who does not simply lacks the judgment it takes to benefit from the system, which can be easily circumvented. I’ve graciously provided several examples in this very piece, and if one chooses not to avail one’s self of them, one has only one’s self to blame.
And one more tip–if you failed to plan, and live on one of those unimportant side streets, have the chauffeurs band together and dig out the street. For goodness sake, it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do!
I say, this Okey chap is not what I’d call an OK chap. His priorities are most decidedly twisted. How on earth could he be taking money away from Race to the Top simply to save teachers? Why do we want teachers when we can have reform, like school closings and merit pay, that truly enable noble ventures like the Smellington Academy to take their places? Our President is most definitely a right-thinking fellow, which is why he’s promised to veto these absurd measures.
With fewer unionized teachers there’ll be more opportunity to fulfill the golden vision of at-will employment for all. If I’m paying the salary, I am entitled to fire the employee for whatever I wish, and why not teachers too? What if they aren’t teaching the Smellington way? Do I want my teachers blathering on about urchin’s rights, or training them to work long hours for low pay, thus enriching people who actually know how to invest money, rather than frittering it away on rent and groceries?
I’m relieved that New York has finally come along and decided to accept the wise reforms that Arne is promoting. Eventually we will rid ourselves of those awful unions altogether and pay workers what we decide. Only then will we be able to withdraw that awful minimum wage, bring back company stores, and have workers go to their graves owing employers money. Surely by then we’ll be able to pass debts to next of kin, or at the very least have the government guarantee it.
I see a bright future for our organization, and for our visionary philosophy.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, Muffy and I are simply beside ourselves with all the progress we’ve made this month. First, those awful public school teachers are finally going to be judged by test scores. Frankly, that’s a gift to Mikey and Joel, who can design tests to produce whatever results they like. Why, we can design tests so difficult that no one can pass them, do it two years in a row, and then finally get rid of all those overpaid teachers with years and years of experience. Sure we’ll have to pay those oversized pensions, but we can correct that in the future. In fact if we do this on any regular basis we can turn over staff every two or three years.
Best of all, we’ve raised the charter cap, and we will have another hundred charters right here in Manhattan. Perhaps we can turn all of Harlem into one entire charter school. We were very fortunate that the awful proposal to have the rabble have a say in where charter schools are located was turned back. Joel and Eva know where they belong, and I’m certain they will place them well.
Finally Mikey has done very well by refusing those awful unionized teachers raises. It’s about time we had a mayor who’d stand up and say no more money for you, and I don’t care about any darn contract! Let’s put those slovenly teachers in their places, rather than have them out buying big screen TVs and other luxuries that rightly belong to the upper classes! And today, the Daily News says he’s going to fire teachers anyway!
Good for him, say I! Let’s continue our march toward a system where education trains the bootless and unhorsed to serve us, as they rightly should!
I say, the Worthington household is all abuzz with the fabulous work of the groundbreaking Washington DC Chancellor. Michelle Rhee is most certainly a model for Mikey and Joel.
No seniority nonsense for her. Dump hundreds of teachers on the street, and leave them there. This is what needs to happen to the bootless and unhorsed when they get uppity. Now all we need is for Mikey and Joel to get on the bandwagon. In three days they’ll have another four years, and I see no reason why we couldn’t get a fourth term.
It’s about time the great unwashed learn that we do what we want, when we want, and how we want. Thanks to our valiant Mayor for demonstrating this, and don’t forget the great work of this Rhee woman.
She’s a model for us all.
I say, when I read things like this on the internets, they go right up my nose. What sort of bounder publishes embarrassing photos of Mikey like that one? Not only that, but this chap is outright disrespectful not only to Mikey, but to the entire concept of mayoral control.
I say, hear hear to Mikey for refusing to compromise in any way. The only way to get the rabble in line is to control their education from the beginning, without any of this flapadoodle from the bootless and unhorsed. Oh, the parents have to have their say. I say, what on earth do these parents know? If they had any sense they’d be rich.
Now sure Mikey is new money, which means he’s not as well-versed in the stuff as those of us who’ve always had it, but honestly, can you really compare Mikey, the richest chap in the city (hear hear!) to the rabble? I say, hip, hip hooray, and for he’s a jolly good fellow! Those who think otherwise are not worthy to touch the hem of his garment.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, these internets are a great source of inspiration. Why just today I was perusing the Gotham Schools blog thingie, and I found a parent willing to speak up against the involvement of parents. The chap called himself “Dissenter,” and was willing to give up the popular notion that anyone but the moneyed class should take part in the education of the urchins that blight our fair city.
Now if only more rabble would share that view, we’d be able to get even more of the cheap labor our city needs. I was thrilled, truth be told, and I’m sharing my response below in its entirety:
I agree with this Dissenter chap. Why on earth should the bootless and unhorsed have any say whatsoever in the education of their children? Rabble need to be guided with a firm hand, and Mikey Bloomberg is just the man to do it, by Jove.
I also agree it’s union chicanery, and this Randi Weingarten woman is only pretending to support Mikey, while in secret she’s plotting to ask for more money for those awful teachers, who are always blathering on about one thing or another. Frankly, they make me ill with their demands of lower class sizes, and time off for this and that.
Fire them all, I say, and give them something to really complain about. And as for the rabble, we’ll train them to do what needs to be done. No more of this namby-pamby mollycoddling.
Smellington G. Worthington III
There’s a new article over at the excellent publication, The New York Daily News. I don’t often peruse this particular publication, as it pertains primarly to pictorial postulations, but this just pops with peppery punch.
One of Mikey’s new principals explains how he saved a dying school. It’s admirable. All he did was turn out the malcontents and rabble-rousers, and then pack the halls with enthusiastic newcomers. By stocking the new school with enthusiastic fresh rabble, things improved tremendously. Apparently there are several other schools in this building, and Lord knows what goes on in them, but the fact that this one works is good enough for me.
And what to do with those that were turned out? We’ll gladly take them into the new Smellington Academy, where we guarantee excellent results. In fact, any teacher who doesn’t pass 100% of our students will be dismissed forthwith. What more could one ask?
Well, must dash. Muffy and the poolboy appear to be in a position from which they’re curiously unable to extricate themselves. Remarkable how much time those two spend repairing that walk-in closet. Must get a servant on it right away.
Smellington G. Worthington III