That’s all I have to say to the naysayers who carp endlessly about Mikey’s alleged shortcomings regarding the recent storm. I say, take a look at our street. The chauffeur had no issue whatsoever ungaraging the limo, and I’ve no doubt Mikey’s chauffeur had no problem either.
Those who complain have only themselves to blame. Had they the good sense to move into a good neighborhood, onto a decent street, they’d have no problems whatsoever. For the love of Smedley, is it Mikey’s fault if their chauffeurs are unable to manage? Sack them all, say I, and seek out replacements with intestinal fortitude! Yet another upside is, as beginners, these rabble will certainly accept lower compensation. Why waste one’s hard-inherited capital on exorbitant salaries when one could invest in a bank and see an upside?
Mikey is doing an excellent job, and has seen to it once again that those who count are taken care of. It’s not as though properties in good neighborhoods are unavailable. One simply has to have the wherewithal to purchase in the right place, and one will be well-taken care of. It’s as plain as the nose on Joel Klein’s face, which I shall miss dearly. Fortunately he’s always an email away. And for those of you who have criticized Joel as unresponsive, I find he immediately responds to my missives. You need only be polite, live in the right neighborhood, and give generously to the right causes. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of foresight and courtesy in your average rabble.
I will wholeheartedly support Mikey when he seeks his fourth term. Anyone who does not simply lacks the judgment it takes to benefit from the system, which can be easily circumvented. I’ve graciously provided several examples in this very piece, and if one chooses not to avail one’s self of them, one has only one’s self to blame.
And one more tip–if you failed to plan, and live on one of those unimportant side streets, have the chauffeurs band together and dig out the street. For goodness sake, it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do!
On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win. Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican. No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state. We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.
And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be. For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.
With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space. What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?
Anyway, be of good cheer. The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all. Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies! They’re the wave of the future!
Smellington G. Worthington III
Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holiday Cheer, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized
I say, Muffy and I are simply beside ourselves with all the progress we’ve made this month. First, those awful public school teachers are finally going to be judged by test scores. Frankly, that’s a gift to Mikey and Joel, who can design tests to produce whatever results they like. Why, we can design tests so difficult that no one can pass them, do it two years in a row, and then finally get rid of all those overpaid teachers with years and years of experience. Sure we’ll have to pay those oversized pensions, but we can correct that in the future. In fact if we do this on any regular basis we can turn over staff every two or three years.
Best of all, we’ve raised the charter cap, and we will have another hundred charters right here in Manhattan. Perhaps we can turn all of Harlem into one entire charter school. We were very fortunate that the awful proposal to have the rabble have a say in where charter schools are located was turned back. Joel and Eva know where they belong, and I’m certain they will place them well.
Finally Mikey has done very well by refusing those awful unionized teachers raises. It’s about time we had a mayor who’d stand up and say no more money for you, and I don’t care about any darn contract! Let’s put those slovenly teachers in their places, rather than have them out buying big screen TVs and other luxuries that rightly belong to the upper classes! And today, the Daily News says he’s going to fire teachers anyway!
Good for him, say I! Let’s continue our march toward a system where education trains the bootless and unhorsed to serve us, as they rightly should!
I say, the Worthington household is all abuzz with the fabulous work of the groundbreaking Washington DC Chancellor. Michelle Rhee is most certainly a model for Mikey and Joel.
No seniority nonsense for her. Dump hundreds of teachers on the street, and leave them there. This is what needs to happen to the bootless and unhorsed when they get uppity. Now all we need is for Mikey and Joel to get on the bandwagon. In three days they’ll have another four years, and I see no reason why we couldn’t get a fourth term.
It’s about time the great unwashed learn that we do what we want, when we want, and how we want. Thanks to our valiant Mayor for demonstrating this, and don’t forget the great work of this Rhee woman.
She’s a model for us all.
I say, when I read things like this on the internets, they go right up my nose. What sort of bounder publishes embarrassing photos of Mikey like that one? Not only that, but this chap is outright disrespectful not only to Mikey, but to the entire concept of mayoral control.
I say, hear hear to Mikey for refusing to compromise in any way. The only way to get the rabble in line is to control their education from the beginning, without any of this flapadoodle from the bootless and unhorsed. Oh, the parents have to have their say. I say, what on earth do these parents know? If they had any sense they’d be rich.
Now sure Mikey is new money, which means he’s not as well-versed in the stuff as those of us who’ve always had it, but honestly, can you really compare Mikey, the richest chap in the city (hear hear!) to the rabble? I say, hip, hip hooray, and for he’s a jolly good fellow! Those who think otherwise are not worthy to touch the hem of his garment.
Smellington G. Worthington III
I say, these internets are a great source of inspiration. Why just today I was perusing the Gotham Schools blog thingie, and I found a parent willing to speak up against the involvement of parents. The chap called himself “Dissenter,” and was willing to give up the popular notion that anyone but the moneyed class should take part in the education of the urchins that blight our fair city.
Now if only more rabble would share that view, we’d be able to get even more of the cheap labor our city needs. I was thrilled, truth be told, and I’m sharing my response below in its entirety:
I agree with this Dissenter chap. Why on earth should the bootless and unhorsed have any say whatsoever in the education of their children? Rabble need to be guided with a firm hand, and Mikey Bloomberg is just the man to do it, by Jove.
I also agree it’s union chicanery, and this Randi Weingarten woman is only pretending to support Mikey, while in secret she’s plotting to ask for more money for those awful teachers, who are always blathering on about one thing or another. Frankly, they make me ill with their demands of lower class sizes, and time off for this and that.
Fire them all, I say, and give them something to really complain about. And as for the rabble, we’ll train them to do what needs to be done. No more of this namby-pamby mollycoddling.
Smellington G. Worthington III
Smelly just pointed me to this article on the Gotham Schools page. Honestly, I can’t believe that people are calling themselves Republicans anymore. It’s well-known the current practice is to refer to one’s self as a “Democrat” when supporting KIPP. Whenever anyone asks Smelly or I about our political associations, we always say, “We’re Democrats.”
Now of course we don’t vote for Democrats, except for Mikey, and in his defense, last time he ran on the Republican line. I believe he’s going to do so again this time. So I urge you, in the meaning of good taste, to call yourself a Democrat as well. People will take you more seriously.
Unfortunately I must dash, as Raul is getting impatient. It takes a lot of work to cultivate a pool boy who will do the job well, I’m afraid.