Tag Archives: Muffy

A Glorious Week

On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change.   What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win.  Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican.  No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state.  We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.

And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be.  For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.

With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space.  What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?

Anyway, be of good cheer.  The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all.  Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies!  They’re the wave of the future!

Smellington G. Worthington III



Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holiday Cheer, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized


There’s a new article over at the excellent publication, The New York Daily News.  I don’t often peruse this particular publication, as it pertains primarly to pictorial postulations, but this just pops with peppery punch.

One of Mikey’s new principals explains how he saved a dying school.  It’s admirable.  All he did was turn out the malcontents and rabble-rousers, and then pack the halls with enthusiastic newcomers.  By stocking the new school with enthusiastic fresh rabble, things improved tremendously.  Apparently there are several other schools in this building, and Lord knows what goes on in them, but the fact that this one works is good enough for me.

And what to do with those that were turned out?  We’ll gladly take them into the new Smellington Academy, where we guarantee excellent results.  In fact, any teacher who doesn’t pass 100% of our students will be dismissed forthwith.  What more could one ask?

Well, must dash.  Muffy and the poolboy appear to be in a position from which they’re curiously unable to extricate themselves.  Remarkable how much time those two spend repairing that walk-in closet.  Must get a servant on it right away.

Smellington G. Worthington III


Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed

A Simple Question

I was out walking today, and all around me were the bootless and unhorsed, and I had to ask Muffy, “Gad, why aren’t these people working?”

This country has lost its moral compass. We need to get these people scrubbing the floors immediately. If we allow this sort of nonsense year after year, mark my words, anarchy will ensue. And not only at my holiday party, to which I must dash immediately.

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This Sharpton Chap

Regrets for neglecting the old bloggywog.  Have been yachting at St. Barts with Muffy and the poolboy.  Told Muffy we didn’t need the poolboy on the yacht but Muff said we also needed a yachtboy at the pool.  Muffy and pool boy spent a great deal of time discussing the viability of adding a pool to the yacht, but it all came to naught.

I’ve been hearing a great deal about Joel and this Al Sharpton bloke.  They say if Joel spends enough time running around with this fellow it may convince the Great Unwashed that we don’t worry simply about People Like Us.  Now this may be true, but it certainly seems to me that People Like Us should be running the system.  I mean, we can’t have blokes educated in public schools running them.  That just won’t wash, old bean.  And if you’re part of the Great Unwashed, you can’t expect the likes of Joel or me to come around and wash you.

So let’s tread carefully, Joel, with this Sharpton chap.  Let him get his picture on the telly, or whatever, but let’s not have him muddying our agenda.  When the Smellington Academy opens in 09, we’ll show them a thing or three.

Well, must dash.  Have to take the pheasant out from under the glass.  Pheasants really should not be kept under glass.  Peasants, of course, are another issue entirely.


Filed under Riff-raff, Training the great unwashed

Reasons to Be Thankful

This is the time of year when one needs to reflect on one’s blessings. There are, of course, the things one takes for granted, like the trust fund, the stock portfolio, and the real-estate holdings, but at this time, one needs to look inward, and reflect upon the things one has acquired.

It’s not easy to get good help nowadays, yet all the servants in our household are fairly reliable, and easily replaced if necessary. None of them clamor for health insurance, time off or raises, as they all remember what led to poor Raul’s deportation. Muffy was upset about that, but ever since she hired the new lawn boy, she’s seemed much better. Doubtless she’s learned that one servant is as good as another, and there’s a blessing right there.

Certainly we can be grateful for the private schools that keep our children far away from the rabble, and for Mikey, who arranged to devote the athletic fields on Randall’s Island to people of class. The urchins can and do get plenty of exercise on the street, and may as well get used to it. Certainly when Chatty becomes mayor, we’ll establish a voucher system, and hopefully it won’t provide near enough of a contribution to allow the rabble to attend anything but the cheapest of private schools, if that much.

Finally, I’m grateful to live in a country where the lower classes are finally being made to work more for less money. As the great Ronald Reagan said, the higher classes should be monied, and the lower classes need to wait for it to trickle down to them. So, in summary, they need to have faith, and we need to have capital. It’s as simple as that.

A happy holiday to all, and you don’t have to let the servants bully you into giving them days off. Remember, you can dismiss them whenever you like. Be thankful for that.

Smellington G. Worthington III


Filed under Holiday Cheer