I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.
This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.
Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!
It’s morning in America again!
I say, this is encouraging, a breath of fresh air if ever there’s been one. Finally, a governor has taken action against the odious ruffians who always go on about wanting more money. Now that the tax burden has finally been lowered on those of us who know how to handle capital, the infernal government still needs a way to cover its expenses. It makes perfect sense to take it from the peasants, who in any case fritter it away on frivolities like food and rent.
This chap has eliminated this troublesome “collective bargaining” claptrap, and has also made sure these blasted unions cannot collect dues. Such funds will be given on a voluntary basis from the rabble that would otherwise be compelled to contribute, and this is smashing news. We won’t have those wretched unions to kick around anymore, and we won’t need to tolerate their blasted messages, “Oh, we need health care,” or, “Oh, we can’t make a living,” or “Oh, we need trained teachers.”
The fact is, we could easily train the bootless and unhorsed to work at Walmart or some other such odious location. They seem to flock to such places, so why should they not be employed there? And the sooner we rid ourselves of these troublesome unions, the sooner we’ll be able to place them there. Education should be offered on a strictly for-profit basis, and should be run by those in the business of business.
Mikey is quite right that those who disrespected Cathie are an affront to democracy. Soon we shall clear that up, and democracy will be whatever Mikey says it is. That’s as it should be. It’s folly to entrust the rabble with democracy. Soon we shall tell them precisely what democracy is, and they will like it, or be pummeled by the National Guard.
Smellington G. Worthington III
That’s all I have to say to the naysayers who carp endlessly about Mikey’s alleged shortcomings regarding the recent storm. I say, take a look at our street. The chauffeur had no issue whatsoever ungaraging the limo, and I’ve no doubt Mikey’s chauffeur had no problem either.
Those who complain have only themselves to blame. Had they the good sense to move into a good neighborhood, onto a decent street, they’d have no problems whatsoever. For the love of Smedley, is it Mikey’s fault if their chauffeurs are unable to manage? Sack them all, say I, and seek out replacements with intestinal fortitude! Yet another upside is, as beginners, these rabble will certainly accept lower compensation. Why waste one’s hard-inherited capital on exorbitant salaries when one could invest in a bank and see an upside?
Mikey is doing an excellent job, and has seen to it once again that those who count are taken care of. It’s not as though properties in good neighborhoods are unavailable. One simply has to have the wherewithal to purchase in the right place, and one will be well-taken care of. It’s as plain as the nose on Joel Klein’s face, which I shall miss dearly. Fortunately he’s always an email away. And for those of you who have criticized Joel as unresponsive, I find he immediately responds to my missives. You need only be polite, live in the right neighborhood, and give generously to the right causes. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of foresight and courtesy in your average rabble.
I will wholeheartedly support Mikey when he seeks his fourth term. Anyone who does not simply lacks the judgment it takes to benefit from the system, which can be easily circumvented. I’ve graciously provided several examples in this very piece, and if one chooses not to avail one’s self of them, one has only one’s self to blame.
And one more tip–if you failed to plan, and live on one of those unimportant side streets, have the chauffeurs band together and dig out the street. For goodness sake, it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do!
On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win. Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican. No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state. We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.
And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be. For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.
With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space. What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?
Anyway, be of good cheer. The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all. Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies! They’re the wave of the future!
Smellington G. Worthington III
Filed under Bravo, Bravo old chap!, Holiday Cheer, innovation, old chap!, plebs, rabble, Riff-raff, Smellington Academy, Training the great unwashed, Uncategorized
I say, it’s delightful to see Bill Gates addressing one of those awful teacher unions. They’ve finally seen the light and decided to do as they’re told. Personally, I couldn’t be more delighted. It’s about time we placed regulations to get rid of that awful tenure thing. Clearly an employer should be able to fire whomever he wants, if not for the simple fact that it’s his money, but as a cost-cutting measure.
If teachers want raises for simply working longer than other teachers, fine, say I. As soon as they are up for a rise, we’ll discharge them, and seek eager urchins to take their places. After all, what do the rabble need to know when all is said and done? How to serve quietly and with a modicum of dignity. As that Jay Matthews chap says, they should work hard and be nice.
I’ve asked Muffy to provide and update, but sadly she and the poolboy joined a book club months ago, and have been studying most every night. I do hope they finish that blasted book soon. I’ve offered to read it myself, but they claim it’s an educational voyage of some sort, blast it all.
I shall try to provide regular updates. I predict a smashing summer for billionaires everywhere, and if you’re weary of paying the Dalton school, we shall be providing special programs for children of PLUs at the Smellington Academy. There is a lottery, of course, but if you are a PLU you’re certain to win it and save all that inconvenient tuition money. After all, why should you dip into your petty cash when we can just as easily bill the taxpayer?
Will be at the Hampton address beginning Wednesday if you wish to drop by. Only hope I can persuade Muffy to miss a meeting or two at that blasted book club.
There’s a new article over at the excellent publication, The New York Daily News. I don’t often peruse this particular publication, as it pertains primarly to pictorial postulations, but this just pops with peppery punch.
One of Mikey’s new principals explains how he saved a dying school. It’s admirable. All he did was turn out the malcontents and rabble-rousers, and then pack the halls with enthusiastic newcomers. By stocking the new school with enthusiastic fresh rabble, things improved tremendously. Apparently there are several other schools in this building, and Lord knows what goes on in them, but the fact that this one works is good enough for me.
And what to do with those that were turned out? We’ll gladly take them into the new Smellington Academy, where we guarantee excellent results. In fact, any teacher who doesn’t pass 100% of our students will be dismissed forthwith. What more could one ask?
Well, must dash. Muffy and the poolboy appear to be in a position from which they’re curiously unable to extricate themselves. Remarkable how much time those two spend repairing that walk-in closet. Must get a servant on it right away.
Smellington G. Worthington III
That’s what I feel as I stroll the streets today and see all the urchins lollygagging about. There’s simply no reason for that, and once we open the Smellington Academy they’ll know what it means to get a job done. And the riffraff on the street! Why aren’t these people working, for the love of Smedley?
I say, I support Mikey and Joel with the best of them (and of course I wouldn’t consider association with anyone else) but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, it’s bad enough they aren’t coming in weekends. Let’s not compound this outrage.
I shall have a talk with Mikey and we’ll see the urchins trudge through the snow next time, as well they should.
Smellington G. Worthington III