Tag Archives: This Barack chap

Bravo, Mr. Governor

I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.

This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.

Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!

It’s morning in America again!

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A Glorious Week

On Tuesday, Andrew Cuomo will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change. Less likely Carl Paladino will become Governor of New York State and there will be a big change.   What’s important is we have fundamentally changed the conversation, and either way, we win.  Billionaires finally win, whether you vote for a Democrat or a Republican.  No one shall stand in the way of Smellington Academies, which will blossom like exclusive clubs all over our fair state.  We will teach the bootless and unhorsed our ways and they will finally raise their children to give due deference to the moneyed classes.

And let me say plainly, we’ve waited a long time for this. It used to be even a Republican governor, like that blasted Nelson Rockefeller, would feign liberalism just to have a shot at reelection. Nowadays, the punters will vote for whoever we say, and that’s as it should be.  For the love of Smedley, why should I have to invest my hard-inherited funds on politicians? Oh, it’s true Andrew Cuomo didn’t come cheap, but knowing he would win allowed us to save big on his opponent, who can fund his own campaign anyway.

With Andrew Cuomo as governor, Barack Obama as President, and Mikey as Mayor, this really has become our little playground. We’ve got all those tea party chaps insisting that we retain the Bush tax cuts and we can plow that money right back into keeping the punters in line where they belong. Muffy and the poolboy shan’t want for anything, though I certainly wish they’d wiggle out of the crawl space.  What blasted thing could they be fixing down there?

Anyway, be of good cheer.  The schools are as good as ours, and there’s billions in them. We’ve got the papers, the schools, the government, and next it’s onto those blasted internets. Once we control who can and cannot get on, we’ll have it all.  Keep your eyes peeled for online Smellington Academies!  They’re the wave of the future!

Smellington G. Worthington III

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Bravo to this Obama Chap

I say, it’s refreshing to finally have a President who openly admits the needs of the rich outweigh those of the poor.  This Obama fellow, it appears, threatened to veto any bill that would take money away from Race to the Top.  As readers are no doubt aware, Race to the Top encourages innovations from chaps like Bill Gates, yours truly, and those lovable Wal-Mart folks.  We have priorities and we know what’s important.

When we get to close a public school and drain it of unionized employees, it’s good for business.  As any fool knows, what’s good for business is good for America.  Otherwise, why would the government see fit to bail us out whenever we find ourselves in a bit of a tizzy?  It’s brilliant of the Obama fellow to take the funds from food stamps.  What on earth do people produce by using food stamps?  It is, frankly, one of the most unproductive uses of money I can imagine.  What does it produce?

To take it a step further, what would happen if one of the great unwashed consumed something poisonous?  Would the government step in to help?  Hopefully not, as that would cause even more drain on society, and possibly lead to a tax increase for PLUs.  On the other hand, if I were to make a spectacularly unfavorable investment, you can be sure that this government would fly to my rescue and cover it, as they did last year.

It’s fairly clear that investing in rich people involves no risk whatsoever, while investing in the bootless and unhorsed is a dicey prospect indeed.

Smellington G. Worthington III

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All in a Titter

I say, this Okey chap is not what I’d call an OK chap.  His priorities are most decidedly twisted.  How on earth could he be taking money away from Race to the Top simply to save teachers?  Why do we want teachers when we can have reform, like school closings and merit pay, that truly enable noble ventures like the Smellington Academy to take their places?  Our President is most definitely a right-thinking fellow, which is why he’s promised to veto these absurd measures.

With fewer unionized teachers there’ll be more opportunity to fulfill the golden vision of at-will employment for all.  If I’m paying the salary, I am entitled to fire the employee for whatever I wish, and why not teachers too?  What if they aren’t teaching the Smellington way?  Do I want my teachers blathering on about urchin’s rights, or training them to work long hours for low pay, thus enriching people who actually know how to invest money, rather than frittering it away on rent and groceries?

I’m relieved that New York has finally come along and decided to accept the wise reforms that Arne is promoting.  Eventually we will rid ourselves of those awful unions altogether and pay workers what we decide.  Only then will we be able to withdraw that awful minimum wage, bring back company stores, and have workers go to their graves owing employers money.  Surely by then we’ll be able to pass debts to next of kin, or at the very least have the government guarantee it.

I see a bright future for our organization, and for our visionary philosophy.

Smellington G. Worthington III

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What’s in a Name?

I must say that Smelly and I are absolutely enthralled with the Obama administration, and his splendiferous education secretary Arne Duncan. Though I must say I had my doubts when Obama was first elected – I mean look at his wife! – and then when his cabinet secretary was first named I really wasn’t sure.

I mean the fellow is rather gawky and from Chicago no less. And his name –Duncan Doughnuts was all I could think of. But he has quickly proved himself to be one of us, with brilliant ideas like forcing more charter schools on the system, by bribing states with taxpayer money. Though Smelly says its supposed to be called stimulus funds, that seems a bit racy to me.

After all, if we don’t force states to accept more charter schools, how are our children and our friends’ children going to spend their time between college and Wall Street?

I mean, look at Smelly’s hedge fund buddies, Julian Robertson and Michael Steinhardt. Both their children have started their own charter schools – in Brooklyn, no less. . Our nephew Porter is starting his own charter school this fall, after only one year with TFA, and our daughter Buffy plans to start her own charter as soon as she graduates from Penn.

She wants to start one in Harlem, to cut down on her commuting time from the Upper East Side, or perhaps downtown, if she chooses to slum it in the Village.

Luckily, Joel has promised us that wherever Buffy decides, she will be provided with quality real estate in an existing public school so that she doesn’t have to dip into her trust fund to rent space. He’s promised to provide free food, transportation, and anything else she needs for her school, and help recruit students as well, so that there will be plenty left over to feed her Manolo Blahnik habit.

But I’m a little worried that this woman, Eva Muskowitz (is that her name?) will have taken all the good spaces by that time. I must speak to Joel about that soon.

The other problem is that all the good school names are being used up! Harlem Success Academy, Harlem Children’s Zone, Harlem Democracy Prep, Harlem Village Academy, Harlem Day; what names will be left for Buffy’s school? It’s really a puzzle. Harlem Worthington Academy?

Muffy Worthington

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All Atwitter

That’s what I am when I see that young man Barack Obama on the television talking about school reform.  He’ll get charter schools into every corner of this nation!  I see Smellington Academies in every nook and cranny of this country.  Recession be damned!

Do you know how much money there is in education, even in bad times?  Billions upon billions!  And till now, it’s been frittered away on urchins and malcontents who have no idea what it’s worth!  I say, Muffy can get another yacht, and another yachtboy if need be.  Why should we be restricted to the one?

This Barack chap is just what the masses need, and the good times are just beginning!

Smellington G. Worthington III

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