Tag Archives: vexing issue

Bravo, Mr. Governor

I say, this Andrew Cuomo is a smashing chap, just smashing. When I read a plan like this one, I’m heartened to see that all that money we gave him is finally paying off. It appears we’re dispensing with that nonsensical plan that the Regents cooked up with that odious union, and finally coming up with something we can manipulate any way we please.

This way, we can send teachers to classes where we know no progress will be made, and in a mere two years we can get them off the payroll. This will free up job opportunities for those whom we feel actually merit them. It could be in-laws, cousins, or reliable contributors to political campaigns. After all since we really represent 1% of the population, it’s really well-advised to shore up our numbers whenever possible.

Let’s have a hip-hip hooray for noble Andrew Cuomo! Every man has his price, and I for one shall sleep sounder knowing he’s bought and paid for. And for those teachers who are always complaining, there will always be dignified non-union jobs at the Smellington Academy for those who know how to do what they’re told. Sure, they won’t pay as well, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re training the little urchins for their own jobs that won’t pay well. Thank goodness that Obama fellow didn’t go through with his threat to enable that Employee Free Choice Act, promoting those nasty Bolshevik trade unions!

It’s morning in America again!

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For the Love of Smedley

A Facebook friend recently sent me this link, about how the wealthy have acquired more capital as of late. This would not be so shocking if it were not portrayed as a bad thing. I tire of going back to basic principles, but it’s well-known that persons of no account have no idea how to handle capital. They fritter it away on food, rent, and other such trifles when its true magic is investment. If they aren’t going to make it grow, why should they have it at all?

Don’t their very own tax dollars finance food stamps? Aren’t there soup kitchens and shelters? Why don’t they simply make use of those facilities, buy the Wall Street Journal, and figure out the best ways to enrich whatever pittance they may come across? That’s what this country is all about, by George.

Pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps is, of course, troublesome for the bootless and unhorsed. This notwithstanding, it’s their duty to do so. Let it be a challenge to them, say I.  This is capitalism, and it’s what my father sweated for when meeting his lawyers to determine how best to dispense our trust funds and portfolios. If all parents went to this trouble, there’d be less foul-smelling rabble, and the world would be a better place.

Must dash. Muffy seems to have locked herself into a closet with the poolboy, and I must dispatch a servant to open it with all due haste.

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Bravo, Wisconsin!

I say, this is encouraging, a breath of fresh air if ever there’s been one.  Finally, a governor has taken action against the odious ruffians who always go on about wanting more money. Now that the tax burden has finally been lowered on those of us who know how to handle capital, the infernal government still needs a way to cover its expenses. It makes perfect sense to take it from the peasants, who in any case fritter it away on frivolities like food and rent.

This chap has eliminated this troublesome “collective bargaining” claptrap, and has also made sure these blasted unions cannot collect dues. Such funds will be given on a voluntary basis from the rabble that would otherwise be compelled to contribute, and this is smashing news. We won’t have those wretched unions to kick around anymore, and we won’t need to tolerate their blasted messages, “Oh, we need health care,” or, “Oh, we can’t make a living,” or “Oh, we need trained teachers.”

The fact is, we could easily train the bootless and unhorsed to work at Walmart or some other such odious location. They seem to flock to such places, so why should they not be employed there? And the sooner we rid ourselves of these troublesome unions, the sooner we’ll be able to place them there. Education should be offered on a strictly for-profit basis, and should be run by those in the business of business.

Mikey is quite right that those who disrespected Cathie are an affront to democracy. Soon we shall clear that up, and democracy will be whatever Mikey says it is. That’s as it should be. It’s folly to entrust the rabble with democracy. Soon we shall tell them precisely what democracy is, and they will like it, or be pummeled by the National Guard.

Smellington G. Worthington III

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Pish Posh

 

That’s all I have to say to the naysayers who carp endlessly about Mikey’s alleged shortcomings regarding the recent storm. I say, take a look at our street. The chauffeur had no issue whatsoever ungaraging the limo, and I’ve no doubt Mikey’s chauffeur had no problem either.

Those who complain have only themselves to blame. Had they the good sense to move into a good neighborhood, onto a decent street, they’d have no problems whatsoever. For the love of Smedley, is it Mikey’s fault if their chauffeurs are unable to manage? Sack them all, say I, and seek out replacements with intestinal fortitude! Yet another upside is, as beginners, these rabble will certainly accept lower compensation. Why waste one’s hard-inherited capital on exorbitant salaries when one could invest in a bank and see an upside?

Mikey is doing an excellent job, and has seen to it once again that those who count are taken care of. It’s not as though properties in good neighborhoods are unavailable. One simply has to have the wherewithal to purchase in the right place, and one will be well-taken care of. It’s as plain as the nose on Joel Klein’s face, which I shall miss dearly. Fortunately he’s always an email away. And for those of you who have criticized Joel as unresponsive, I find he immediately responds to my missives. You need only be polite, live in the right neighborhood, and give generously to the right causes. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of foresight and courtesy in your average rabble.

I will wholeheartedly support Mikey when he seeks his fourth term. Anyone who does not simply lacks the judgment it takes to benefit from the system, which can be easily circumvented. I’ve graciously provided several examples in this very piece, and if one chooses not to avail one’s self of them, one has only one’s self to blame.

And one more tip–if you failed to plan, and live on one of those unimportant side streets, have the chauffeurs band together and dig out the street. For goodness sake, it’s not as if they’ve got anything better to do!

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Not Enough

For the love of Smedley, it’s time to dispense with these mamby-pamby school turnaround schemes. Fire half the staff? Replace principals? Pish posh.

When a school is closed, it needs to be demolished, with extreme prejudice if at all possible. The rubble should be cleared away and a suitable real-estate developer should be selected via no-bid contract to construct a new edifice. Then an appropriate charter school operator, like myself or my friend Courtney Ross, should get input on its design. Since it’s a no-bid contract, we need not bother with those troublesome union regs and may hire whom we wish. That’s the American Way.

I have faith that my friend Cathie will soon enable such changes. In fact, I’d suggest simply dynamiting all existing schools so as to make room for worthy charter chains like the Smellington Academy. Frankly, this is the only way to give the little urchins the training they need. Why should the Walton family, which has given and sacrificed so much to the education of the bootless and unhorsed, be further saddled with the necessity of training its workers, or “associates” as they jocularly label them?

These are banner times for billionaires, and we need move straight ahead. And thank goodness that Obama chap has extended the tax breaks. Let the party continue! What’s good for Bill Gates and me is what’s good for the country!

We’re making great progress. If only that noisy Senator Sanders would shut his festering gob. Wikileaks first, say I.

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All in a Titter

I say, this Okey chap is not what I’d call an OK chap.  His priorities are most decidedly twisted.  How on earth could he be taking money away from Race to the Top simply to save teachers?  Why do we want teachers when we can have reform, like school closings and merit pay, that truly enable noble ventures like the Smellington Academy to take their places?  Our President is most definitely a right-thinking fellow, which is why he’s promised to veto these absurd measures.

With fewer unionized teachers there’ll be more opportunity to fulfill the golden vision of at-will employment for all.  If I’m paying the salary, I am entitled to fire the employee for whatever I wish, and why not teachers too?  What if they aren’t teaching the Smellington way?  Do I want my teachers blathering on about urchin’s rights, or training them to work long hours for low pay, thus enriching people who actually know how to invest money, rather than frittering it away on rent and groceries?

I’m relieved that New York has finally come along and decided to accept the wise reforms that Arne is promoting.  Eventually we will rid ourselves of those awful unions altogether and pay workers what we decide.  Only then will we be able to withdraw that awful minimum wage, bring back company stores, and have workers go to their graves owing employers money.  Surely by then we’ll be able to pass debts to next of kin, or at the very least have the government guarantee it.

I see a bright future for our organization, and for our visionary philosophy.

Smellington G. Worthington III

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A Smashing Great Month

I say, Muffy and I are simply beside ourselves with all the progress we’ve made this month.  First, those awful public school teachers are finally going to be judged by test scores.  Frankly, that’s a gift to Mikey and Joel, who can design tests to produce whatever results they like.  Why, we can design tests so difficult that no one can pass them, do it two years in a row, and then finally get rid of all those overpaid teachers with years and years of experience.  Sure we’ll have to pay those oversized pensions, but we can correct that in the future.  In fact if we do this on any regular basis we can turn over staff every two or three years.

Best of all, we’ve raised the charter cap, and we will have another hundred charters right here in Manhattan.  Perhaps we can turn all of Harlem into one entire charter school.  We were very fortunate that the awful proposal to have the rabble have a say in where charter schools are located was turned back.  Joel and Eva know where they belong, and I’m certain they will place them well.

Finally Mikey has done very well by refusing those awful unionized teachers raises.  It’s about time we had a mayor who’d stand up and say no more money for you, and I don’t care about any darn contract!  Let’s put those slovenly teachers in their places, rather than have them out buying big screen TVs and other luxuries that rightly belong to the upper classes!  And today, the Daily News says he’s going to fire teachers anyway!

Good for him, say I!  Let’s continue our march toward a system where education trains the bootless and unhorsed to serve us, as they rightly should!

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