Hi, ho lovies! (Kiss, kiss). Just got back from a little nip-tuck vacation and I’ve heard the most shocking news! It seems that some of the teachers at my favorite, reform, I mean “charter” school have been attempting to – I can barely say the word – unionize!
What on earth can they be thinking? Don’t they realize what a poor example that would be for the children in their care?
When the Waltons first told us about their brilliant idea to create a Walmart preparatory school, we were absolutely delighted. Why, the idea is sheer brilliance! What a wonderful way to teach the children of the bootless and unhorsed to be cooperative and compliant. Uniforms, chanting, nodding on cue…why the potentials are endless.
Channel all of that so called “righteous indignation” into something productive and create an endless stream of future low-wage workers at the same time. Finally give them something to be proud of.
Needless to say, our checkbooks were immediately out to support such a worthy cause. And now, some uppity teachers want to undermine all that. Just imagine what the children will learn if they see their teachers organizing. It’s only a matter of time before they’ll be asking for ridiculous frivolities like lunch and recess and… Can someone please get me a Vicodin?
Anyhoo, I blame all of this union nonsense on that Obacka fellow. I knew that when he was elected the riff raff would start to get funny ideas in their heads about ‘quality of life’ and all of that other nonsense. That’s what happens when you don’t use the Supreme Court to elect the president.
The real question, though, is how on earth are these stories reaching the newspapers? Someone needs to get that Jay Mathews on the phone and tell him to write another opinion piece. Personally, I think he’s slacking. Someone needs to remind him who is paying his salary. Toodles!
Missy Hawthorne VonBlueblood
Billionaires for Educational Reform 