Bravo, Wisconsin!

I say, this is encouraging, a breath of fresh air if ever there’s been one.  Finally, a governor has taken action against the odious ruffians who always go on about wanting more money. Now that the tax burden has finally been lowered on those of us who know how to handle capital, the infernal government still needs a way to cover its expenses. It makes perfect sense to take it from the peasants, who in any case fritter it away on frivolities like food and rent.

This chap has eliminated this troublesome “collective bargaining” claptrap, and has also made sure these blasted unions cannot collect dues. Such funds will be given on a voluntary basis from the rabble that would otherwise be compelled to contribute, and this is smashing news. We won’t have those wretched unions to kick around anymore, and we won’t need to tolerate their blasted messages, “Oh, we need health care,” or, “Oh, we can’t make a living,” or “Oh, we need trained teachers.”

The fact is, we could easily train the bootless and unhorsed to work at Walmart or some other such odious location. They seem to flock to such places, so why should they not be employed there? And the sooner we rid ourselves of these troublesome unions, the sooner we’ll be able to place them there. Education should be offered on a strictly for-profit basis, and should be run by those in the business of business.

Mikey is quite right that those who disrespected Cathie are an affront to democracy. Soon we shall clear that up, and democracy will be whatever Mikey says it is. That’s as it should be. It’s folly to entrust the rabble with democracy. Soon we shall tell them precisely what democracy is, and they will like it, or be pummeled by the National Guard.

Smellington G. Worthington III

A Grand Week

I say, it’s delightful to see Bill Gates addressing one of those awful teacher unions.  They’ve finally seen the light and decided to do as they’re told.  Personally, I couldn’t be more delighted.  It’s about time we placed regulations to get rid of that awful tenure thing.  Clearly an employer should be able to fire whomever he wants, if not for the simple fact that it’s his money, but as a cost-cutting measure.

If teachers want raises for simply working longer than other teachers, fine, say I.  As soon as they are up for a rise, we’ll discharge them, and seek eager urchins to take their places.  After all, what do the rabble need to know when all is said and done?  How to serve quietly and with a modicum of dignity.  As that Jay Matthews chap says, they should work hard and be nice.

I’ve asked Muffy to provide and update, but sadly she and the poolboy joined a book club months ago, and have been studying most every night.  I do hope they finish that blasted book soon.  I’ve offered to read it myself, but they claim it’s an educational voyage of some sort, blast it all.

I shall try to provide regular updates.  I predict a smashing summer for billionaires everywhere, and if you’re weary of paying the Dalton school, we shall be providing special programs for children of PLUs at the Smellington Academy.  There is a lottery, of course, but if you are a PLU you’re certain to win it and save all that inconvenient tuition money.  After all, why should you dip into your petty cash when we can just as easily bill the taxpayer?

Will be at the Hampton address beginning Wednesday if you wish to drop by.  Only hope I can persuade Muffy to miss a meeting or two at that blasted book club.

Cheerio!

What Rot

I say, when I read things like this on the internets, they go right up my nose.  What sort of bounder publishes embarrassing photos of Mikey like that one?  Not only that, but this chap is outright disrespectful not only to Mikey, but to the entire concept of mayoral control.

I say, hear hear to Mikey for refusing to compromise in any way.  The only way to get the rabble in line is to control their education from the beginning, without any of this flapadoodle from the bootless and unhorsed.  Oh, the parents have to have their say.  I say, what on earth do these parents know?  If they had any sense they’d be rich.

Now sure Mikey is new money, which means he’s not as well-versed in the stuff as those of us who’ve always had it, but honestly, can you really compare Mikey, the richest chap in the city (hear hear!) to the rabble?  I say, hip, hip hooray, and for he’s a jolly good fellow!  Those who think otherwise are not worthy to touch the hem of his garment.

Smellington G. Worthington III

Deep Disappointment

That’s what I feel as I stroll the streets today and see all the urchins lollygagging about.  There’s simply no reason for that, and once we open the Smellington Academy they’ll know what it means to get a job done.  And the riffraff on the street!  Why aren’t these people working, for the love of Smedley?

I say, I support Mikey and Joel with the best of them (and of course I wouldn’t consider association with anyone else) but you have to draw the line somewhere.  I mean, it’s bad enough they aren’t coming in weekends.  Let’s not compound this outrage.

I shall have a talk with Mikey and we’ll see the urchins trudge through the snow next time, as well they should.

Smellington G. Worthington III

A Devil of a Time

I say, that’s what I had trying to find this excellent piece of writing by one Mike Petrelli.  I was led there by this “Eduwonkette” gal, whom I assume to be a tool of the bootless and unhorsed.  In any case, Mr. Petrelli makes the smashing argument that teachers are getting health insurance on the cheap and thus don’t value it at all.  I couldn’t agree more.

So what does a teacher care about health?  A teacher might go out and eat until he or she feels like stopping, a privilege that rightly belongs to PLU.  That’s why teachers ought not to be given money, as plebs never know how to invest it properly and consequently fritter it away on things like food.  Thus, those of us who’ve invested in health-related companies face ever-decreasing profit margins.  Teachers at the Smellington Academy will be compensated not in currency, but in scrip, redeemable at the company store (which Muffy has christened “The Smellington Boutique”–I’d have her comment but she’s currently instructing that blasted poolboy in the finer points of managing the fluids).

I say, Bravo Old Chap!, to Mr. Petrelli, and a round of boos to that awful Eduwonkette, who clearly hasn’t thought the matter through.

A Modest Proposal

What on earth is with this Randi Weingarten character anyway? How dare she hold a vigil to protest Mikey’s polices? This is an unprecedented incursion on his right to do as what he pleases, whenever he pleases and he’s certainly earned the right to do that. After all, what’s the meaning of mayoral control if Mikey can’t do whatever he feels like?

Furthermore, he’s invested quite a bit into this city, and spent millions to become mayor. I ask you, how much has Randi Weingarten spent? Has she even got millions? And if she’s not astute enough to have acquired even a few million, why should she imagine anyone would listen to her?

Now as far as I’ve heard, this whole brouhaha is over Mikey’s unfettered right to fire employees. Now I know, there’s some union thing that makes it difficult, but Mikey’s trying to find away around it. So let me, Smellington G. Worthington III, propose a solution that will please all parties.

Mikey, you want to fire a few of the great unwashed. Randi Weingarten, you want to preserve your union, so let’s compromise. For every teacher Mikey fires, he will simply hire another teacher. Then there will be the same number of teachers, and you, Randi Weingarten will have just as many people in the union. That’s fair, isn’t it? Everyone wins. That’s the billionaire solution.

There’s a reason why billionaires ought to be in charge, and that’s why I’m thankful that Mikey is running the city. Where there are problems, we have solutions. So I thank Randi Weingarten in advance for bowing to our superior intellect. And if she doubts we have it, I’ll show her our passbooks and portfolios.

Smellington G. Worthington III